He's Gone

Its been a little bit of a rough day.
I think this whole thing kinda hit me last night at the dinner table.
Don't get me wrong. I've had moments of panic here and there since we made the decision last year that Rich was going to go to South Africa this year.
It's been a calling that has tugged on his heart for years. And years. And years.
And each year in the past, it hasn't been the right time.
Someone (me) has been pregnant, or nursing, or pregnant, or nursing, etc.
This year was the first one that the timing was right.

I was a little excited to see how I was going to do by myself with the kids. And nervous. And scared.
But glad for a chance to prove to myself that I could do it.

But then last night, after we had spent the whole day together, I had a *minor* breakdown at the table.
And the kids watched with gaping mouths as I tried to pretend I wasn't crying, while trying to eat spaghetti.
That was a rough meal.

Then this morning we had to say "see you later".
There were some tears.
Who are we kidding. There were LOTS of tears.
Between me, and 4 kids, and (sshhhhh, don't tell anyone I said this) him, there were lots and lots and lots of tears.
And a few "Wow mom. I've never seen you cry before." and "Are there really tears dripping off your chin?" 
And then there was Nolan was just crying to fit in.

So, Day 1 - aka - Sad Day.
Done.
Survived.
Onto Day 2.